Guildford Hockey Club Est. 1912

Gondoliers the "Slightly Better of Two Bad Sides"

 1st Feb 2020

20191130-MensGondosTeamA bright and keen Gondoliers side, riding high after their performance against Havant the week before, assembled on a windy winters day for their return match against Winchester.




An early decision was taken that we stood a better chance if we gave the opposition Nick Mowat.


First Half

Lessons had clearly been learnt from Havant the week before, and we quickly began to play like a side at the bottom of the league. Any fleeting moments of possession were immediately squandered. Fortunately we managed to drag Winchester down to our level and in the end we even seemed to be the slightly better of two bad sides.

Towards the end of the 1st half Winchester momentarily forgot themselves and managed to win and then convert a penalty corner.



Half time was punctuated by Nigel putting a brave face on things and claiming against all of the evidence that we were playing well. Geoff then decided to reorganise the formation - things couldn't get any worse.


Second Half

Geoff's reorganisation caused enough confusion in our ranks that for the first ten minutes of the second half we even failed at playing badly, the final result was a flowing move finished with a bobbly deflection by Sturgess into the Winchester goal.

The goal was enough to bring us to our senses and we went back to playing shockingly bad hockey.

A series of unintentional passes saw us awarded our first penalty corner of the match. A pass, perhaps intentional, found Tony on the right hand-side of the goal. This should not have been a problem for Winchester as Tony had not managed to make contact with the ball at any point in the preceding 60 minutes. However, somebody must have slipped something into his drink at half time and instead of his traditional hay maker swing six inches above the ball, he instead calmly slapped it into the goal.


In the final ten minutes we tried to even things up as much as possible by making sure that whenever we had the ball we immediately gave it back to the opposition.

It looked inevitable that Winchester would eventually score.


However, whatever had been slipped into Tony's drink went into overdrive. He discovered he could hit the ball, in fact he could hit it very, very hard. The strange thing was he could only do that when a member of the opposition was close enough that there was no chance it would not cause significant injury. After taking out two of the Winchester players in this manner the rest were getting nervous. It only took a glance from Tony towards their centre forward to put so much fear in him that he collapsed on the floor in a fit of hyper ventilation.


Finally, the umpires took pity on the game hockey and called time.


Things can only get better from here.

p.s. Dave T (aka The Torturer) deployed his first aid skills on an unsuspecting Winchester forward, rapidly reducing his screams of pain to shrieks of sublime agony that even Gengis Khan would have been proud of! After the game and many pain killers, the wounded forward was kept in the dark as to the identity of his attacker and Dave claiming a severe head cold quietly slipped away into the darkness and anonymity.


Final word from Nick: I did my best to drag Winchester down to my level. Looks like I succeeded!!


GHC Logo full colour final

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