If Pinewood Studios are looking for their next feelgood Christmas movie, then this was it: a veritable sporting drama suitable for all ages!
- Two seasoned exponents of the noble art of Masters Hockey lock horns on a sunny winter's afternoon. No quarter given, no half-measures, just full-on commitment flowing from end to end.
- Act 1: Guildford earn a narrow lead.
- Act 2: Windsor threaten a comeback with 42 consecutive penalty corners, but Guildford counter-attack out of nowhere and score a second. The icing on the cake is a third that seals the game five minutes from the end.
- Act 3: Good-natured banter (and excellent pizza) with the oppo afterwards in the local pub ensures a happy ending. Sporting days don't get much better.
The Theme Tune:
- "The Winner Takes it All" (Abba) ... because the Gondoliers played like they were "Bjorn Again"...
- Tony Gartland - a personal journey of discovery ending in a revelation: he's a forward! A truly Gladiatoral Gondolier: tirelessly competitive, surprisingly quick, sticks his oar in...and scorer of the second goal that deflated the Windsor "We Think Could Make A ComeBack" balloon. To be played by Russell Crowe.
- Nigel Sturgess - watching La Sturgess in full flow is a film-maker's dream. The flowing locks, the long reach and the one-handed stickwork bamboozling the Windsor defence. Yet again, "he opens his legs and shows his class" (apologies to Coleman). To be played by the love-child of Barbie and War Horse.
- Nick Winn - just has the knack of turning up in the right place at the right time (and cracked a bullet into the D for Keith to score the first). To be played by the time-travelling Dr Who.
- Steve Windsor-Lewis - ran around a lot, and scored a screamer (actually it was a tap-in after Nigel and Tony had taken the entire Windsor defence away from goal). Deadringer for Chris Hemsworth.
- Chris Basey - serene distribution, combined with an omnipresent ability to always get back and cover: just wonderfu. To be played by The Messiah.
- Keith Hermann - busy busy busy making a complete nuisance of himself in defence, and then appearing upfront to score the crucial first goal. Can sting, but sweet as honey, so to be played by Mohammed Ali.
- Miles Barnard - if he had marked his opponent any more closely, Elon Musk would have offered a submarine to find him. To be played by Aston Martin.
- Tim the Savage - aerial god, defensive rock, film star good looks...enough said. To be played by Tom Cruise (obviously).
- Lord Chris Gould - an unbelievable instinctive save off the line in the gathering gloom of a rainy twilight. But wait, there's more... not one, but two goal assists! Chris sprinting down the right, stretching their defence before crossing for others to add the finishing touch. To be played by Zeus.
- Nick Mowat - a great game, blighted only by his (utterly deserved) green card for a Mafia Hit when wantonly tripping an opponent in full flight. To be played by Marlon Brando.
- Craig Eales - logging like a pro in the first half, and extending his amoebic pseudopodium of a left foot in the second to keep out all 126 of their penalty corners. To be played by a Brick Wall as nothing can get past him.
Windsor 0 - 3 Guildford