Guildford Hockey Club Est. 1912

Gondos win 4-0 ... or was it 5-0...

 11th Feb 2017

Gondoliers game against Sunbury 11th February was a win. Not sure if it was 4-0 or as Tom reports 5-0, but a win it was...

So as not to disappoint Tom’s jaundiced view, the following is or may be or may not be the Official Match Report that he has bullied me to prepare for you. As you are all aware I as a very shy and reserved person with a very limited experience of life and the vagaries of the big wide world in which you all live in, I shall struggle to meet Tom’s exacting standards and may be that of the reader.

Well, here goes after the disappointing game last week against Haslemere, where our lack of team awareness and our poor tactical approach to working out how to break down their fixed 9-man defence within their 22 during long periods of Gondolier pressure, our steam roller approach did not work. We were then to be subject three breakaway goals.

Our leader Tom announces in his briefing for the Sunbury game. “This week’s game will be interesting given the early start, poor weather forecast and without a named goalie or umpire!”

How inspiring! Then the following stream of concerned and questioning emails, text messages, Facebook, Twitter and Tinder alerts, starting on Friday night from a concerned (now we understand is a Celt) Mowat, and various others, peeping from under then duck down duvets. concerned that their housekeepers had not yet arrived at this unnatural time of the morning, to bring them their morning tipple of Darjeeling tea. Tom announced the game is on, no snow or frost at Sunbury.

The Gondoliers arrived in surprising good humour, hopefully the residue effect of a very successful Gondoliers evening at Fork Handles last week. Thank you Richard and the team and Tim S for masterminded the event.

Richard were you going send me that information sheet we discussed into the early hours?

The named goalie was Josh and the Umpire was Dr. Andy, thank you both for accepting the call, we did benefit from your attendance. A special welcome to Mr Windsor-Lewis and his thumb returning to the cause, which on a cold day such as Saturday was a brave thing to do, should it been struck again whilst unprotected, Mercian Hockey glove as shown would protect, other brands are available. Also Tim’s new dynamic good faster haircut deserves a mention, because it does.

Sunbury started the better team with their woolly hats and leggings and it was clear their tactic was the long ball to the younger right winger who gave Nick M a good warm up. Then the Gondoliers warmed up and we did dominate the play from then on surviving a couple of breakaway attempts by Sunbury, which Josh dealt with full vigour and enjoyment

Sunbury did not pressurise us and when we passed the ball quickly and accurately we played very well. The opportunities to score were getting more plentiful and Regan slotted (that is a lovely word for hockey goals) so here again for my enjoyment as I write this article, slotted a short corner, we were on the way.

Alistair should be fined twice for hat trick evasion, two goals with his stick and two with his feet just a metre from the goal.

The victory was sealed and concerns about the weather and pitch condition and whether we had a goalie and umpire were allayed.

As alluded to by Tom, we thank you John A for sharing with us his bruise, yes it is a big one.

I wish Andy well with his impending operation and the NHS or Private sector struggle to find a bed and an operating team.

Ubi concordia, ibi Victoria, ab hinc

I must apologise for Tom’s typing error in his pre official match report about the weekly 10km (6.21 mile) events. They are not fantastical, they are fantastic and promote well-being for all participants. You would all benefit from them, yes even you Tom.

I give you all a brief insight, based on today on how including a 10Km run regularly will assist you to enjoy a full life in all the aspects you choose.

After the exhilarating Saturday morning with the Gondoliers at Sunbury and less than one pint of beer from the kitty, then home to park the car and stroll to the Barley Mow to watch the two rugby games with its climax with the England try, resulting from a moment of poor timing from the Welsh with their preferred kicker just getting back into position but the ball going to the centre who should have kicked into touch and Wales would have won, but it stayed in play and 10 seconds later they had lost. Such small margins, President Trump has been asked to issue a Presidential Order to question the BBC’s English electronic timing system for making the clock go slowly until the English had finally scored to win the game. The volume of beer and cigars were pleasurable and knowing Sunday would enhance my well-being.

Having awoken on Sunday morning at 7 am to take my energetic yellow Labrador for his 5km walk and pick up the Sunday Times. I then do weightlifting exercises with the bulk of paper, fortunately now contained in its own plastic wrapping, no environmental issues here, for the remaining 1 km downhill stride home. Then the porridge with honey topping and not forgetting the sultanas. Refreshed and content now up to the Epsom Downs to meet at the Rubbing House for the weekly Orienteering Training Run where members freely run round a 10 km (6.21371miles) circuit. All Gondoliers are welcome, various groups dependent on their known pace set off, Tom if you do not finish in allotted 60 minutes we can arrange a quadbike to recover you. Then relax at the Rubbing House with a pint or two. A light lunch of salmon and caviar with fresh bread and a glass of chilled white wine to suit. Then to the Barley Mow to watch the Rugby with a pint or two of ESB and see the Scots suffer 3 injuries to key players and not then contain the French.  

The early evening time is spent removing the plastic wrapping from the Sunday Times and reading thoughtfully through closed eyelids until it is time for the tender sirloin steak, fresh local vegetables and red wine sauce, supported by glasses of Clos des Brusquieres finest. And so to bed refreshed, invigorated, prepared for the rigours of the week ahead and the anticipation of the next Gondolier game. Gondoliers vs Windsor 18th Feb 16.00 Home wondering which of the list of Team will finally be there on the day.



And here is a footnote to the entertaining report from Mr Gould… Mr Carney has now adopted the tried and tested 'clandestine cell' communication system.

This ensures that only a limited number of people will actually have the complete picture at any one time. Unfortunately, in the pre-match communications it was my turn to be kept completely in the dark in case I was captured by enemy forces.  Thus, I was completely oblivious about the match arrangements right up until the night before… The inclement weather potentially scuppering a proper deployment meant that I decided to break cover and use open communication risking interception. I apologise for putting the whole team at risk.

Agent Mowat


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