Guildford Hockey Club Est. 1912

Gondoliers of Guildford v Hobblers of Horsham

 18th Oct 2014

Sa turd ay 18 October Match Report Guildford Gondoliers v Horsham Hobblers...lost 0-1

What to say, Where to start, How to finish?

I knew as soon as I saw the name of the opposition, "Hobblers," that it was going to be an idiosyncratic game; and one we would probably lose.

Lose, not just because we are still not linking up our midfield to forward passes with the dexterity they deserve, but also because their goalie was clearly a reject extra from Lord of the Rings and 12 years of age, or was it 12 stone?

Our Goalie, (Sorry can't remember your handle), who reminded me of a druid on supportive heat; kept most of the flack out with poise and command equal to the fluidity of my old headmasters cane.

There was so little really compelling in the final third. We need more match experience. I have to stop looking to Nigel to part the red sea, and occasionally I saw Chris Felsham steady the ship with a 'Crying Game' certainty that no one else would understand. Chris just poos the opposition off because they know if they get in his way he will just dump them in some dodgy part of Belfast and then ask questions.

Nigel asked heaps of questions today, his runs required several rolls of loo roll for the opposition as they mopped the sweat from their brow in disbelief that his gazelle like thighs had run them riot yet again. I can confirm the 'gazelle' like status exists in the showers also.

Tom Carney, what can i say? I knew that another failed potato crop would put some of his ball control into a 'Coventry' style self deprication. Poor ole Tom repeatedly had to take six of the best to placate the riots.  Fortunately, TP, TC or TT, (Can't remember our ace midfield player that looks quite scary when he rucks with the Umpires), covered for Tommo and another bloke who looks as distinguised as Dr. David Owen (Circa 1987). These two non-carney's actually realised that if they passed the ball to us forwards, something might happen.

Unfortunately the Hobnob Hobble Hobblers managed to squeeze one through our loins in the second half and then the bias refereeing only went to augment this underdog scenario we were faced with throughout.

Frankly, they were better in midfield because they optimised the pivot system while our defence relied upon old skool grass pitch clearances to hold them at bay. A word about the old bald headed guy that looks like he is always about to, (Grace Bros), keel over and have a heart attack - his going forward defensive play is better than my 30 years younger forward play and Andy, (ooh love those knees) Roberts shifted it up with field clearances that were a rennaisance beautiful to behold.

The consensus afterwards in the bar was that more of us need to ditch the midweek city whipping sessions and actually make training with Gi Rob Williams.

Horsham Hobblers were a cobbled bunch or public sector imposters who got lucky because we never really challenged their midfield pivot system because we are all depleted old farts: and I include myself in that vigil.

At the end of the day, Tom needs to step back and defend. Nigel and Jason need to embrace the prospect of taking risks together. Not only do they look hungry and petulent for it - but they still have the burn that eludes the others. We need to be serviced, not just in prep school terms; but in every way and we need to be allowed to make mistakes knowing Chris and the IBM bloke is there to mop up the cock ups. Miles looked menacing today also because he trains Wednesdays and offered some useful; 'Castle Wolfenstein' suppressing fire!

We all got passionate at half time, we all got disproportionate at full time, and we all know our other teams at Guildford are looking to us to impose our authority across the hockey fraternity.

Gondo's are the best blinking hockey team this side of Leighton Buzzard and we need to train with one another and not just be lovers.

Come on girls, let's really give Haslequeer next week a bloody nose as we give them the treatment.

Afterall, Tom is very thorough with me so this should be second nature to the old lags!

Guildford 0
Hobknobs 1

Knobbled yes


Jason Nigel Jasn Nigel Jason Nigel Jason Nigel Sturgess-Strange


GHC Logo full colour final

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